Lonsdale Clothing

I always liked Lonsdale clothing. Okay, so I never owned any - well, I might have owned a t-shirt somewhere along the line - but never anything that I've loved like a member of my family. Not like my old Duffer sweatshirt.


The problem I find with Lonsdale, and their new advertising campaign, is I'm sitting looking at images of models in t-shirts and vests and I'm thinking 'so what'?

For my part if I want to engage a clothing brand I want to know what they stand for. What is it that I'm saying to people by wearing their t-shirts? The Lonsdale brand says too much that I have no real concept of style; that I'm a 'me-too' brand copying someone else. I want individuality in my clothing brands, or at least, if I'm going to buy into a mass-produced brand (say, like Abercrombie) then I bloody well want them to be cool enough to warrant myself and 100 other people on the high-street wearing them.

Lonsdale used to be the urban, boxing wear, typically London, in a very similar way to Everlast was to the same sport in New York. It's ironic that Everlast suffer from a similar problem in trying to reposition themselves as a younger fashion brand, they've lose any essence of what made they what they were in the first place.

It's a hard ask as to wear to go with these brands. Glossy full-page spreads in FHM and clean living models, female ones with big boobs, are probably not the answers - unless Lonsdale are sitting on the brand to eek money out of it by flogging it through Myer and K-Mart to bogans who know no better.

The consequence of this will most likely be decline, or very slow growth. Whilst it can be hard to go back to the original roots of the brand, something that you may not want to do anyway, its worth remembering that these brands were born out of sub-cultures, and that without the support of a sub-culture, they will have no oxygen to survive.

Carbon Emissions: Update

This is just a quick note to update my previous comments about NRMA's insurance offer to off-set one tonne of your cars carbon emissions when you switch to their insurance plan.

Apparently the average American (and Australian's can't be that different) produce 24 tonnes of carbon emissions each year, which makes NRMA's offer...a little bit shoddy - especially as their campaign is so environmentally focused.

You'd be much better off NOT swapping insurance...and just selling the car. THAT would be the most effective thing to do...

Bananas

Bananas have their own advertising campaign. Bizarre as that may sound, 97.3FM today was running an advert for bananas.

Now I'm sure they deserve their own advertising campaign, after all they've put a lot of hard work in, in the world of fruit. They've frequently led from the front when other fruit failed to step up to the mark, but now it seems that bananas are in need of some moral support.


Bananas: Well Hung

The advert today was 30 seconds of a smack-in-your-face reminder that bananas were in shops, they were a great price, they were healthy and that you should go and buy some bananas today.

I'm convinced. I rushed out straight away and bought a car full of bananas.

Well, obviously I didn't really, but this radio campaign was a prime example of pouring money down the drain when it could have been used a hell of a lot more effectively. How about spending some money on effective point of purchase? When people walking into the supermarket, how about some sort of ingenious signage around the fruit counter reminding us of how great bananas are? Even a man in a giant banana costume walking up and down the aisles of your local Coles would have more impact than throwing cash away on pointless and very banal radio ads...

Sure its another rant about pointless radio campaigns, but its painful to see money spent on - and I don't use this word lightly - shit advertising. Funnel a 1/4 of that money into the creative process and the remaining 3/4 would have worked ten times harder for you...

Giving Up Pizza

"Wait!" I hear you all cry. "There's no need for such a rash decision."

Okay, so it is, as most things are in my blog, an exaggeration, but what I am giving up are any pizzas purchased from Dominos and Eagle Boys.


Dominos: Unlike the boxes, not stacked

First, Dominos. I ordered one of their cheap pizzas a few months back - the sort that cost you less than the bottle of Coke you also bought with them cos you found some ridiculous deal on the back of a supermarket receipt. Now, I realise it was cheap, but 1 piece of pepperoni per slice is taking the piss. This isn't going to bring me back to order more, no matter how cheap they are. I realise the pizza still technically qualifies it under the description of 'pepperoni' pizza but there really should be some sort of law on the amount of toppings required to justify its name.


Eagle Boys: An eagle & a boy, no pizza in sight

Then comes Eagle Boys. Now Eagle Boys have got more sneaky - their pizzas are as cheap as Dominos, but they offer a $3 deal where you can double the toppings, tacitly acknowledging that they ain't putting enough on in the first place. We ordered two - on they forgot to double our pleasure, and the other was so swamped with toppings, it was impossible to eat as most of them had failed to cook or heat properly.

So I'm giving both venues up. Style and slick marketing have over-taken the basic requirement to provide quality food, or at least quality food for the level of investment. As Dominos cuts its price over and over, and Eagle Boys match every offer and even accept the competitor coupons, the inevitable out-come is that the food will become inedible.

Both outlets are crying out for a 'premium' option. One that can be delivered to your house, or collected and is made, and priced, like a PROPER pizza. Asking the consumer to throw another $3 at a problem isn't a long term solution. 'Premiumisation' has swamped every other industry; it can't be long before the pizza fast-food industry joins the band-wagon.

I once sat on a judging panel for a student business competition with one of the marketing team from Eagle Boys, and he markered a team well for creating a 'build 'em cheap and stack 'em' new pizza flavour, something he said was successful in his industry.

I'd now question him as to whether anything in his industry WASN'T conforming to that model. It's all stacked high. None of it is boutique.

I'll sit here and wait for the flyer for the pizza company selling me premium pizzas for $20 a pop. It has to come in the end. Otherwise this is where the industry will end up...

Male at Parklife Festival

Male at Parklife Festival
Originally uploaded by Carbon Images

This guy was originally crashed out on his own when I saw him, but after a while he got up and started talking a girl who is to the left of this picture. He was pretty cool when I asked him if he'd pose, and I took about half a dozen shots. This was my favourite. The socks and the tatts...look fantastic...

Desperate Housewives Into Space

Well, it can be the only explanation really. The following appeared on the BBC website today:

Hit US comedy series Desperate Housewives is named the best-selling TV drama, being seen in 203 countries - wrestling the record from Baywatch.

Which is in stark comparison to the Wikipedia entry for the number of countries in the world:

193 states with general international recognition:
192 member states of the United Nations (UN).
1 state with general international recognition but not UN membership, governed by the Holy See (a UN permanent observer): Vatican City.

Admittedly Wikipedia acknowledges 244 'entities' but some of them are of the likes of 'Christmas Island' and the 'Cook Islands'.

So who is right and who is wrong? If you care and know, please let me know!

Signs Of A Struggle?

Back in 2005 Mattafix, the alternative hip-hop group from London, released their 'Signs Of A Struggle' album to critical acclaim, with the first single from the album 'Big City Life' rocketing up the charts across the globe.

The first single was so promising, and coupled with a performance at Parklife in 2006, I decided about a year ago, to go and buy the album.

I found it in HMV for the bargain price of $17.99, and didn't hesitate to take it to the counter for purchase.

Except on the way to counter I read the back of the album - and found the heavy-handed DRM warning and protection taking up half the space on the reverse CD sleeve. From a band who warned us 'don't let the system get you down', seem to have subscribed to that exact system in order to protect their music.


Mattafix: Not Iron Maiden

I don't have any problem with people protecting their music, but as Apple have finally come to realise with their DRM-free downloads, it is almost impossible to stop people copying and sharing tracks.

When I was making my own mix tapes, I had no comprehension that what I was doing was wrong, and if anyone else had pointed it out to me, I doubt I would have cared one way or another. Frankly if I want to listen to Iron Maiden, Whitesnake and Guns n'Roses tracks all alongside each other, then I've bought the music and I'll do what I want with it. (They were all available on 'Mixtape: Metal #4' - available from all good bootleggers)


Mix Tapes: Jail Time

Anyway, the point of this is that after seeing Mattafix with a new single out, I finally decided to buy Mattafix's old album some two years late via iTunes for $17.99. And of course, because it's $17.99 instead of $16.99, that means one thing - it's released DRM rights-free. I can download and copy it a hundred times to my heart's content.

Perhaps Mattafix had original had the decision made for them by 'the system'? Maybe they realised the irony that whilst they may have been perceived to be protecting their music by one section of the music society, many others thought that with their first commercial release, they had succumbed to commercial greed? Maybe they haven't even given it much thought at all?

Still, I'm $17.99 shorter, half-way through the album and trying to decide if it was money well spent...

I will NOT be blogging about my parking ticket

I mean, I was after all a whole 8 minutes late to get back to my car and he just happened to be walking past seven minutes after the ticket ran out so in terms of legs to stand on, I had none. I could moan about how ridiculously high the parking price is in the CBD now, but I won't. Instead I will silently and with good grace, take the $50 fine on the nose...


Traffic Wardens: 10 Points If You Hit One

Still, I have a lengthy list of things to talk about today, but I've mis-placed the list. So I'm just going to fume about traffic wardens a bit more and then draw your attention to this strange video with a fat Jesus turning ugly girls into hot girls. Warning: those of a religious sensibility should probably NOT watch this...

I Am Cyclist

It's been a gap of some 16 years, but I have climbed back on a bike again. Yesterday I went to pick up my new mountain bike and ride it home for the first time - a journey of about 15K.

From one minute being a disdainful driver, owner of the road and producer of carbon, I'm now a pedal-powered greenie, hugging the trees at any opportunity.

Okay, so it's not that drastic but it certainly gives you a new perspective on road-sharing between 4-wheeled and 2-wheeled vehicles. It also gives you a massive appreciation on how hilly the area around you actually is. It also hurts your arse a lot. I feel like I've done a week in the showers in a prison.


Oops. Fuck.

But it did make me wonder as I stood in the mountain bike shop - here I was, a relatively inexperienced person about to spend $600 on a bike I knew nothing about, relying heavily on the sales force of the shop to tell me what is good and what is bad.

I knew nothing of any mountain bike brand names. I had no idea what was good, and what was bad. Would a shop of this quality be stocking bikes that were of 'less quality'? Would they tell me if they did? I had done no research and I was ripe for a plucking. I said...plucking.

So why don't we know anything about the brand names? In a city like Brisbane, where bikes are a valid alternative to petrol-driven travel, few manufacturers spend any time and effort presenting us their brands, or encouraging us to get involved and get out and pedal. We know car brands, we know petrol brands - we even recognise most of the brand names of the sunglasses the cycle shop was selling. But the bike names remain a mystery.

Perhaps there is no money in bikes? Maybe the margins are so small they can't afford to promote themselves? Maybe they spend money actively training and promoting their sales staff, maybe incentivising them for their sales?

I have no answer to this. All I know is I have a nice, bright red something-or-other with two wheels that is going to make my butt and legs scream in pain about twice a week.

Another Gripe About Poker

In the absence of anything sensible to write about, I'm going to moan about poker. I lost again. 434th in a tournament with only 470+ in it. I went all in on Ace-King and got beaten by a guy going all in on a pair of 9s. I mean, I ask you....

Would you really fold Ace-King in the face of an all-in?

I was hoping to get out and play some face-to-face poker tonight to see if my skills were improving after facing down the barrell of an internet connection for so long, but fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), the wife caught an earlier flight and demanded picking up.

But I had to make do with the Trey Nations Freeroll on Party Poker with a MASSIVE $150 prize pool...which all goes pear-shaped about 6 hands in.

And glutton for punishment that I am, I'm back in to the $1000 GTD (whatever that means) tournament starting...well...now....8-6 offsuit opening hand...I mean...really...

I Like To Party With Beer

A fairly comprehensive statement that probably needs very little in the way of explanation. Which should make the following video all the more easy to understand.

Except by the end of it you can't help but wonder how the thing got made at all. I mean, if I drank the amount of beer in order to be inspired enough to make this advert, making the advert, would be the last thing on my mind. If you get my drift.

So in the end you have to take your hats off the Norwegians for their talent at getting so obviously blind drunk and still managing to programme the computers enough to generate such genius work. I have only looked through a couple of the videos but I'm sure the next one MUST be about kebabs...

I'm rather disturbed too by the frame that YouTube has decided to use to introduce this clip...

Definition Of Stupid

Customer On Phone: "So what makes Liquor Superstores so, well, super?"
Manager: "Well there's our lowest liquor price guarantee."
Customer On Phone: "Lowest Liquor Price Guarantee?"

Is he thick? He's managed to dial the number and construct a sentence so what the fook is so hard to understand about those four words?

But actually the manager goes on to say that they'll guarantee the lowest price on only certain products. Ah ha. Here's the catch. Good job thickie customer actually asked that question otherwise the manager wouldn't have been able to qualify the small print behind this seemingly unbelieveable offer.

It's mindless and repetative. It drives you nuts just listening to it. It's mock-up situation that makes you cringe and reach for the CD button. Why do people do this to us? Alcohol is fun and enjoyable - I don't want to be tormented into a shop just to save me some pennies.

We can see through the loss-leader scam - in fact, you've managed to spend an entire advert telling us that this is what you're doing. They mumble some other info about largest choice under one roof only for you to be stung when you get inside the store with mark-ups on everything else.

Okay, so it's nothing new...but crikey, Coles should be able to do better with their advertising. After all, it's CHEAP BOOZE FOR GODS SAKE. How hard can that be to come up with something inspirational?

I always said that when I die, if I go to Hell, I'll find myself crammed in a lift, stuck between floors, with too many people listening to the greatest hits of Tito Puento over the lift tannoy system. I now know that his songs will be interrupted by a stream of poorly thought through radio adverts....

Get Out Of My Pool!

Outside of what this advert is implying about the female climbing out of the pool, here is another genius advert from a company called OB. I doubt anyone is going to need any explanation about what OB specialise in making for women, but I'm sure if you do, you can Google it.

Click on the section above to see the full advert.

O O O....O Brien

By the fact that I wrote that in the title would suggest that potentially the advertising campaign has worked. The incessant call from the jingle has lodged itself firmly in my head and convinced me that should I ever get a chip in my windscreen, I will know where to go.

So job done. Let's just keep repeating the same ad and eventually have everyone in Australia humming the tune while they lay in bed at night.

Except I would suggest that the advert itself is self-destructive in its communication. Let's look at the reasons:

1) It's a long advert for radio. The 30 seconds actually SEEMS like 30 seconds. It seems like a lifetime. Two jingles and a bloke talking trying to scare you into getting your chip fixed is not engaging me.

2) The guy they have voicing it is one of two things: an actual O'Brien employee or the worst voice over person in the world. Either way, he is doing the brand NO favours by sounding tedious and boring. By the end of the advert, you're so depressed from listening to him, you want to top yourself because your windscreen has a crack in it.

DO NOT USE EMPLOYEES - EVER - unless they have such a strong personality or some USP that makes them stand-out above everyone else - think the speccy bloke from the Good Guys.

3) As mentioned before, the jingle. Think Crazy Frog for windscreen repairs. You want to take a nail gun to your own head to try and rid yourself of the obsession.

The long and the short of it is the advert has done what no radio network wants any advert to do, it has made me switch channels. Coupled with the AMI adverts, the O'Brien adverts and the nails-down-a-blackboard advert that is Diamonds International (which I will dissect at a later date), the state of radio media advertising is currently appalling.

How do you improve then?

Running a bad advert over and over again isn't the answer. Creating a full ATL and BTL promotion which incorporates web, radio, TV, magazines and so on and targeting it at your specific demographic is the proper way to do these things. Analyse the message you're trying to get across and look at your target market, and find out where these people like to be talked to.

Sure O'Brien have probably got it right in that their target market - car owners with chips in the windscreen - are probably sitting in their cars, listening to the radio and looking at the chip, but there are a million other ways to make this stand out more.

Messages without a creative approach are just messages. The average consumer gets hit with 300 of these a day. O'Brien is just number 216.